Surviving the mall

On the seventh day of Christmas and you're going to the mall? What a brave soul you are! Everyone should work in retail at least once in thier life. It gives one a new found respect for people - some who deserve it, and some who don't! So on that note, some advice for surviving your trip to the mall.

• Leave your kids at home. Some people may think this is harsh. But you will be able to move faster if you are not dragging your kids through the busy mall. Plus you can actually shop for them without asking for several bags to hide what you just bought. And you won't have to buy extra things that they have picked up and won't let go of.
• Go early in the day. You'll get better parking, the mall will be less busy and the store clerks less cranky.
• If the clerk tells you there are none left of the item you are looking for, there is a good chance they are not lying to you. But if it makes you feel better they will go to the back to "look" for you and grab a quick drink and come back to tell you the same thing.
• If the clerk tells you there are no boxes left that fit the item you are buying, there is a good chance that they are not lying to you. Feel free to throw a fit if it makes you feel any better. But the boxes will not appear if you say "really, are you sure there's no boxes back there?"
• If the clerk tells you that there is a line up you must wait in, there is a better than good chance that they are not lying to you. You are not more special then the other customers in the store, no matter what your mother told you. You waited until the week before Christmas, you must all suffer the same.
• When the store closes, go home. Don't wander around for another 15 minutes deciding if the recipient will like it or not. The clerks have already worked long enough and there is a good chance that they have some cleaning up to do before they go home and spend some time with their families.

And if you choose to ignore this advice, you should be prepared to become one of THOSE people that we in retail call "special". There are legends written about you and like those classic Christmas stories, your visit to our store is relived every year when the season starts again.